Thursday, April 5, 2012

Eyes Off of Me

I haven't posted in a while mostly because I have not had the time. Being a stay at home mom is hard work, I feel as though the days fly by and I see that one basket that isn't folded, I will do it tomorrow. Then I see that I haven't vacuumed this week, ugh, I will do that tomorrow. Then I look down at my Bible on the coffee table, sitting in the same place that it was in yesterday, I will read it tomorrow.

We always hear there is never enough time in the day, and it feels that way often, but the Lord gives us the right amount of time to do what needs to be done, to live the way he calls us to live, and to love all the people we can love, right here, right now. I am so guilty of just rushing through the day-wake up, make breakfast, read the Word, journal, get Luke ready, go to the gym, come home, get him down for a nap, make lunch and shower, Luke wakes up, go to the store, come home, clean up the house before Nick gets home, make dinner.

You see I have fallen, fallen into the trap, the trap of the "perfect housewife." My mind is screaming at me, "Be perfect, look perfect, eat perfect, house perfect." Neil is our pastor and he did a sermon last week on the loudest desire and your deepest desire, those are my loudest desires, but my deepest desire is to bring glory to God.

He has shown me that in order to be a good wife and mother I must keep my eyes on Christ and off of myself. In reality, as all of us, I am a selfish sinner that fights with the sin nature in me. Paul of all people wrote about this inner struggle, this inner war raging within him in Romans 7. "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:21-25

God calls me to rest in Him, I am not resting for sure. I go through every day at full speed doing all that I can to be perfect and then worst of all at the end of the day I am tired, shocker huh! And I give what little I have left to Nick which is usually sarcasm, anger, and little time because I am so ready for bed. I am guilty of living for myself. In Isaiah 30:15 God says, "In repentance and rest is your salvation in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it!" 

I am ready to repentant of my selfish ways, to rest in Him, my strength. I am ready to trust that my God is enough, even when nothing gets done, I don't look like a size 4, and I can't eat perfectly to a T. He is all that I need, my eyes look to Him!

Lord that is my prayer, help me, I can't do it on my own. You are my rock which I cling to and build my life upon. I trust you that you have a plan and will for my life and that it all comes down to bringing glory to your name. May my life reflect you, not myself, may people see the love, joy, peace, and hope of Christ in me. I love you Father. Thank you for this new life, may I live it fully. Amen.